Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
