my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
