So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize