i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
