Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
