I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
