I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
