Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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