my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize