Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
