Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I just gargled with NyQuil
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
