I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
So apparently I’m into choking now
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