I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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