Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
