there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
