Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
