Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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