Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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