just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
