Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
