omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
