Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
