I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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