i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
