Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize