A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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