I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
my liver is dry heaving
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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