Im at strip club and am horny
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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