Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
