ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
