Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
