Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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