Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
