Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
