I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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