Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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