yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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