actually, I'm a sock model
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Randomize
