It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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