Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
