I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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