As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
