No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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