U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
home. puking in laundry basket.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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