I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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