You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
