East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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