Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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