i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
