It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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