Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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