It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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