I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
She's the barista slut.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
