I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
