my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
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