Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
