I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
