She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Randomize
