fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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