There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
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Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
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Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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