now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
is that a dick in a sweater?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
