i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
