On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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