if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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